this side of Even

A lot of people have their own ideas about what is really left of humanity when boiled down to its simplest elements.
I am of the opinion that when it comes down to people's individual feelings about their own lives, when they are standing on the threshold of death's door, finally relenting to that pressure to commence the inevitable 'knock', there are only three essential feelings that one can have about their life. There are those that feel even, and those that feel like they've landed on one side or the other.
I think that in their most private moments; perhaps in their bedroom every night before they go to sleep, or maybe in the bathroom for those who share a bedroom with someone, or maybe it's in the car on the way home from work, or out on a peaceful late-night drive where they feel the most socially liberated, that the bulk of people really focus most on the instances of life where they have felt slighted. Not that they necessarily blame anyone for it, maybe they feel it's their own fault. But just from my own general observations, I think that there are more people that feel like they should have had more, than there are of the opposite.
Personally, if my life were to end today, I would feel like I have definitely gotten more than I have given. Not to say that I haven't given anything, but only lately am I beginning to earn a sense of what I really am capable of giving back, and I feel late.
I know it seems morose, but I often think about what my life will have meant when I shut my eyes for the last time. When I die, I don't want the preacher to have to lie about me. But sometimes, I'm just unsure about exactly what I have to do in my remaining time in order that I not die on this side of even.
In a rather odd twist of egotism and irony, I feel like everyone should want to die at zero. Or maybe even at a loss, if for no other reason than to ensure that someone else has the opportunity to go up one, hopefully only to realize the same thing that I think I'm slowly learning. We can't all have it all. But we should want those that come after us to at least have the choice.